


Of Mice and Men

by junko



Series: Curse of the Nue [34]
Category: Bleach
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-25
Updated: 2012-09-25
Packaged: 2017-11-15 01:11:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/521498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junko/pseuds/junko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Renji breaks jail and finds that best-laid plans oft go astray...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Mice and Men

**Author's Note:**

> I think I may have accidentally diverged from canon with this installment. I reread this moment, and Renji actually accosts Ichigo and tells him he knows that Rukia's execution has been moved up AGAIN. And, he seems to go away for only a short time before achieving bankai. I'm not sure what to do about that, except leave this for now.

Renji was done with handcuffs. When the Fourth Division medic showed up ready to spoon feed him like a damn baby, he just couldn’t take it anymore. Renji’s frustration boiled over into a gigantic swell of reistsu that shattered the wooden manacles. Surprise, or maybe the overload of spiritual pressure, made the medic faint. The little yelp the medic let out before he and the food tray clattered to the floor brought the two guards rushing to the prison door.

But, it was too late for them. Renji had Zabimaru in hand in a second, and together they tore through bars, guards, and the entire division.

# 

It was only later, when Renji was running through the streets that he thought to ask: “Where are we going? You know, Byakuya’s right, they’re all going to be after us.”

_We know a place_ , the deep voice of Zabimaru rumbled.

_Let us take you. We can feel them both there_ , the second agreed with a hiss.

#

As he climbed down the ladder, Renji asked, “Do I even want to know how you know about a secret underground cave when I don’t?”

_We followed our nose,_ Zabimaru growled.

The second voice murmured, _Zangetsu stinks of reistsu; hard not to find him._

Renji nodded. The whole cavern was humming with an all too familiar pressure, “True, that.”

So it didn’t even faze Renji to see Ichigo tearing up the place. Apparently, the kid was working bankai given that there seemed to be a funky, human-looking manifestation of Zangetsu floating around and a thousand versions of that crazy-huge zanpaktō stuck everywhere. 

However, it was a bit of shock to see the lady Yoruichi.

Damn if that boy didn’t have the _best_ teachers.

No wonder he was kicking everyone’s ass.

Yoruichi must have sensed Renji and Zabimaru coming, because she didn’t try to kill him when he strolled over like he knew her and asked how the kid’s training was going. It didn’t look that good to Renji. Though, it was weirdly heartening to see Ichigo struggling with something. Apparently, even Ichigo wasn’t perfect every time, right out of the gate. Still, Renji didn’t like the way Ichigo kept breaking his swords; Renji was counting on that punk to free Rukia. Ichigo had better get it done. Yoruichi seemed confident, at least.

Renji and Zabimaru left them to it, and went off to find some space that wasn’t occupied by all the mess of Ichigo’s explosive reistsu.

#

Renji had never had to meditate in order to communicate with Zabimaru. Similarly, he never understood what people were talking about when they referred to an ‘inner mindscape.’ There was no separate place that Zabimaru dwelled. They were always one and the same.

Except when they weren’t, like now.

The nue stretched out on a boulder, like a lion basking in the sun. Its albino fur ruffled a little in the light breeze, and a yawn showed off huge, yellowed canines. The snake tail seemed to be warming itself, its lidless eyes blank, as though deep in sleep. Zabimaru was a handsome beast, Renji thought proudly. Renji supposed he shouldn’t find a demon of misfortune attractive, but how could he not love this part of himself—his strength, his fearlessness, his recklessness, his anger, and his pride?

“Why aren’t you red?” Renji asked the nue. “I mean, shouldn’t we have the same hair color?

“I’m not everything you are,” the nue snorted. 

The tail perked up to add, “I’m everything you could be.”

“And your own thing, too, I suppose,” Renji said. “You saying my destiny is to have white hair someday?”

“Maybe even today,” the nue grumbled a laugh, “After I scare the shit out of you.”

Renji lifted the part of Zabimaru that remained with him, the shikai zanpaktō. He took a stance, “So, we’re going to fight?” Renji jerked his chin in the direction of the sound of clashing steel, “Like those two?”

“No,” the nue said, its intelligent eyes flashing darkly. “I’m going to devour you. And, if you’re lucky, you’ll come out the other side.” 

# 

So. Much. Pain. 

Renji would rather have fought the demon than have to endure this. No wonder he’d never been able to achieve bankai before… he’d been doing it wrong. There was no mastering this—only letting go.

That was what hurt. 

If he could just release, relax into it, it would be easier. That’s what the demon said, anyway. But letting go was never easy for Renji.

#

In fact, he hadn’t been able to do it at all that first try. Yoruichi must have gotten tired of watching Ichigo bash his head against the wall, because when Renji opened his eyes, she was standing over him. 

Her deep purple hair was pulled back in its signature ponytail and two tuffs had escaped the binder to stick up like cat ears. The artificial sunlight of this place seemed to caress her deep brown skin. Looking up into her bright white mocking smile, Renji decided that whoever designed this place must have loved her intensely. She looked beautiful here, like a desert queen or a sun goddess.

She kicked his ribs lightly, “You dead yet?”

“Of course,” Renji said. Lifting his arm with a groan, he shielded his eyes from the ‘sun.’ “I’ve been dead for centuries.”

She laughed at that. “Good point. I guess I meant to ask if you’re finished going through that demon’s wringer?”

“No,” he said. “Not yet. How about him?”

She crouched down beside Renji. “Ichigo doesn’t give up so easily.”

“Fuck. Don’t remind me,” Renji said. Stretching out sore muscles, he began the arduous process of sitting. He draped an arm over his knee and glanced at the crevasse between the rocks in the direction Zabimaru had padded off to. “Anyway, I didn’t have much choice. Zabimaru spat me out. He’s gone off to sulk, I think.”

“Yeah,” she smiled. She stuck her pinky in her ear and wiggled it dramatically. “I heard his roar of frustration with you.”

That had been spectacularly frightening--the bellowing rage of a pissed off nue, his fangs barred and the snake tail hissing with fury as well. Renji rolled his eyes at the memory and muttered, “Damn drama king.”

“You know there’s a healing hot springs,” she said with a funny little mischievous look on her heart-shaped face.

Renji pulled himself to his feet as fast as his protesting muscles would let him. “Lead the way, sister. I’m all over that.”

#

Apparently Yoruichi’s little smile was because she planned on joining him for a soak. Not that Renji minded. She really was phenomenally beautiful, especially naked. The clothes hid a perfect hour-glass shape and perky breasts that Renji was having a hard time not staring at like a sex-starved teenager. 

She seemed to be checking him out, too. “That’s a lot of ink,” she said finally. “I bet you’re not allowed in the Kuchiki sentō, eh?”

Running his hand through his loose, wet hair, he smiled, “Yeah, no. Pretty much never. In fact, I’m completely barred from most bath houses, unless no one else is there…. Or if the Eleventh already is.”

“Hmmm, well, there’s a lot to be distracted by,” she mused, and he would have thought she was talking about more than his ink until she said, cocking her head, as though still puzzling out the various lines on his body, “Even your demon doesn’t have so many stripes.”

“Well,” Renji said with a little shrug and glance at the tiger marks on his arms. “He’s already a nue, he doesn’t need reminding.”

She nodded as though she understood, and, for some reason, Renji believed she did. Leaning her head against the natural lip of the hot spring pool, she continued to stare at him. Her hair somehow looked mostly the same down, even the little ear-like bits still fluffed on the side of her head. “You’re Byakuya’s lieutenant, right?”

Like she didn’t know. She was the one who’d brought up the Kuchiki hot springs.

“Uh, actually, probably not so much anymore,” Renji said. He slid deeper into the hot water to let it work its magic on his sore shoulders. “I guess the Captain-Commander issued a reinstatement order after my captain dismissed me, but, well, fuck. I just took out an entire squadron on my way out the door. I’m guessing it’s treason for me now.”

“Treason is all the rage,” she said, with a little touch of splayed fingers on her chest. “All the cool kids are doing it.”

Renji snorted. “I guess so.”

“You’re going to fight him? Byakuya?”

“Yep,” Renji said.

“You’re going to die,” she assured him pleasantly.

“I know. I’ve got to do it, anyway,” Renji said seriously.

“Why?”

She seemed genuinely curious, but Renji didn’t know what to say to that. It wasn’t like he could explain the whole complicated mess, and how, if he didn’t, he’d always be crushed under the weight of his own fear—his own cowardice. 

“I was his friend, you know. Possibly his best friend when he was younger,” she said when Renji didn’t answer right away. Her yellow eyes were half-closed.

Renji’s eyebrows went up. It was hard to imagine Byakuya younger… or having friends. But, even though she didn’t act like it, Renji remembered that Yoruichi was the head of one of those ‘True Fist’ clans, as well. That would make her Byakuya’s peer. There weren’t a lot of those, so it made sense they knew each other. Still, Renji had a hard time seeing it. “Best friends? You sure? Because he never mentions you.”

“You have a lot of heart-to-hearts with your captain, boy?” When Renji didn’t respond with more than a knowing ‘am-I-right?’ look, she sighed. “I guess I’m not surprised. It was a long time ago. Anyway, I left him without even a good-bye,” Yoruichi lifted her shoulder in a little shrug, like maybe she regretted it but didn’t want to think too hard about it. Then, she sighed again, deeper this time, “Just when he needed someone the most.”

“So you’re the reason he’s all fucked up, eh?”

“Hey!” She said, jumping to her feet suddenly. She glared at him with her hands on her hips, but then, when she saw Renji’s half-smile, Yoruichi relaxed a little and admitted, “Probably. A bit, anyway. The little twirp’s grandpa couldn’t have helped. Not exactly paternal, that one. Cold,” she shivered and wrapped her arms around herself, blocking Renji’s view of those amazing breasts. “Brrr, I always liked Sōjun better,” she said, settling back into the water. 

“Who’s Sōjun?”

“You can’t be very close to Byakuya if you don’t even know his father’s name.”

Renji shrugged. It wasn’t like their relationship had been based on much beyond sex. Still, she couldn’t know Byakuya very well if she thought he was the type to share a lot of personal details. Or, maybe this just proved how different Byakuya was with women. That idea depressed Renji, so he dipped his head under the water to heal a scratch across his nose and to avoid having to reply right away. But, he came up suddenly at a memory, “Oh, hey! Byakuya did mention his dad to me once. The personable lieutenant, right? The one he supposedly looks like.”

_The one that might have liked me._

Yoruichi seemed momentarily surprised, but then shook it off. “Yes, that’s right. Sōjun was a real sweetheart. He courted me for years, but I was never the settling down type. But we remained friends afterwards. I even introduced him to his wife.” Her eyes unfocused, going down memory lane. Then, she frowned suddenly. “Their death was heartbreakingly tragic. In my opinion, it broke something deep in that family; they’d been so much the heart and soul of it. It was especially hard on the boy to lose them both so suddenly, like that.”

The boy? Oh, right, she meant Byakuya. “Jeez, how old was Byakuya when all this happened?”

“Just a teenager.”

“Huh,” Renji pulled his fingers through his hair again. The humidity kept making the thick locks fall in front of his face. “When’d you leave? A hundred some years ago? So, then he couldn’t have been that much older when he lost his wife.”

“Wife?” She looked surprised. “Little Byakuya got married?”

“Don’t look at me,” Renji said when she seemed to be expecting more details. “I didn’t get the invite either. It’s not like I know anything about her. He doesn’t talk to me, remember? I had to find out the details from the Gotei Thirteen’s resident gossip. All I know is that it didn’t last long because she was sick or something. And, when the plum trees blossom, Byakuya goes into a serious funk, drinks too much, and gets vaguely inappropriate with his subordinates.”

Renji wasn’t quite sure why he’d added that last part, but it was weirdly satisfying to have information over the Lady Yoruichi, former spymaster. He should have known better. After all, she had had the reputation of being extremely good at the job. 

“Oh. Now I understand all the funny sideways anger and intimate knowledge. You and Byakuya are lovers,” she said, as if it should have been obvious all along. She blinked rapidly for a few seconds, as if taking a moment to readjust her mental images. Then, she gave Renji a penetrating look that made him blush all the way to his toes, “Or were.”

“Yeah, well,” Renji said. He was getting hot thanks to the embarrassment on top of the steam, so he pulled part way up out of the water and leaned his arms on the edge. He could feel dust sticking to his skin, but he didn’t care, “Were. Kind of, anyway.”

She blinked again. “Kind of? How can you have been ‘kind of’ lovers?”

“Pretty easy, when there's a lot of sex and not so much on the love,” Renji grimaced at her. “Anyway, you’re one of them, aren’t you? You noble-types must know all about that waku-whatever crap.”

Yoruichi sputtered. “You’re far too old to be anyone’s wakashū! Anyway, Byakuya would never do that to someone else! Not after….” She stopped herself. “He just wouldn’t. Did he actually say that’s what you were to him, or are you just making an assumption, bitter little Inuzuri pup?”

Renji just shook his head at the low blow, “Yeah, you wish. Because if I was just making it up, your friend wouldn’t be such a shit, would he?”

She frowned at Renji for a long moment, her mouth working. “All right,” she said finally. “Fine. I don’t want to believe you. The Byakuya Kuchiki I knew was too honorable… too considerate to ever use someone that way.”

“Guess things change, huh?” Renji said, giving her a hard look. After dunking his arms back in the water to get rid of the grit, he pulled himself out. He stood on the rock and gave Yoruichi one last look. “Honestly, I wish I’d known that kid you were friends with, the one who wasn’t all messed up from grief. Maybe that one wouldn’t have broken my heart.”

She was staring at the water, looking a little hurt. Then, she smiled up at him, sadly, “At least this way I can wish you good luck sincerely. You have my blessing to knock him down a notch.”

“Heh,” Renji said, with a little bow, “It would be my pleasure, my lady.”

#

Except bankai was not happening. 

So impossibly painful, the letting go. It was like dying, and Renji just couldn’t bring himself to do it. It felt too much like giving up the fight, quitting, and Renji hated that more than anything.

Zabimaru was so mad at this second failure that his roar reverberated against the impossibly high ceilings and he pushed boulders to the side as he stomped off. The snake tail slashed back and forth, glaring at Renji as they disappeared into the distance.

At least _he_ seemed to be getting stronger.

#

After a second soak in the healing springs, Renji ended up inviting himself to diner with Ichigo and Yoruichi. He smelled the smoke of their campfire and the scent of roasting meat. Trust the Yoruichi to have caught a couple of rabbits somewhere. Renji stood outside the ring of light and tried not to look as pathetic and hungry as he felt.

“You might as well join us, Abarai,” Yoruichi said. “Unless you want us to toss you the scraps, pup.”

He ignored her continued jibes. She was still mad about Byakuya not being the man she thought she knew, and he figured he could relate. “I’d eat anything right now,” Renji admitted, coming in to sit himself down close enough to warm his knees. “I kind of forgot to pack provisions when I made my prison break.”

Ichigo lay flat on his back, his knees up and his arms flung out. He was either still catching his breath or snoring or possibly both at the same time. “You caught mice or something, didn’t you?” Ichigo asked, not even bothering to lift his head. “I don't care how hungry I am. I’m not eating mice.”

“You should try it before you knock it,” Renji and Yoruichi said at almost the same time. She and Renji shared a look of surprise.

Ichigo finally lifted his head to say, “Gross! You can’t be serious! Are we really eating mouse?”

“This is rabbit, but I happen to like mice,” Yoruichi said with a sniff.

“Mice are okay,” Renji agreed mildly, “Though I’d rather eat rat than mouse any day. Mice are so damn small you kind of got to eat the bones and everything to get much out of the effort of catching the little buggers. Rats are meatier.”

“Oh, I agree, actually,” Yoruichi said with a hearty nod. “Tree squirrel is lovely, too.”

“Never had squirrel,” Renji said, reaching over to turn the spit. “Not a lot of trees in Inuzuri. Ate snakes and lizards, though. Frogs once and a while, but usually we had fish when we went far enough to be close to water. Ate plenty of bugs, most of the time on purpose.”

“Oooh! Grasshoppers,” Yoruichi said, clapping her hands together happily. “Best crunchies ever!”

“‘Most of the time on purpose’? Ugh, I don’t even want to know.” Ichigo pulled himself all the way up to gape at the both of them. He wrapped his arms around his legs, and his orange hair glowed like an ember in the firelight. He hooked his thumb in the direction of Yoruichi, and said, “Her, I get. But why are you eating roadkill, Renji?”

“Because it’s better than nothing,” he said.

“Oh,” Ichigo said with a look at Yoruichi, who nodded solemnly. “Sorry, dude.”

Yoruichi smacked Ichigo’s head with her palm, “Show some respect. No one has anything to be sorry for if they survived.”

“Ow!” Ichigo said, covering his head. “Knock it off, would you? I’ve got plenty of bruises already from the old man.”

“Hey, yeah,” Renji said, peering into the darkness of the caverns, “Where is Zangestu?”

“I don’t know,” Ichigo said, his face all scrunched up. “He’s a mystery. I said I wouldn’t quit so he just faded. Where’d your ape-thingie go?”

Yoruichi smacked Ichigo again. “Zabimaru isn’t an ape. Didn’t you see the tail?”

“A tail? Oh yeah, I can never remember the difference between apes and other primates. Does that mean he’s a monkey?” Ichigo asked, scratching behind his ear thoughtfully. "That's a pretty big monkey."

Yoruichi sighed dramatically and looked ready to smack Ichigo again, only he ducked out of the way. ““Not a monkey tail, a snake-tail, you idiot. Zabimaru is a nue—a kind of demon. Didn’t your teachers teach you any mythology?”

Ichigo scootched closer to Renji to get out of Yoruichi’s reach. Renji thought Ichigo was ready to duck behind Renji, after he stuck out his tongue at her and asked, “Maybe, but when am I ever at school?”

“You should know these things,” she said with a pout. She crossed her arms in front of her chest. “They’re important.”

“Well, maybe I’d go more often if they taught the important stuff,” Ichigo agreed. He settled next to Renji a bit gingerly, like he was afraid Renji might start smacking him around too, “Like, screw algebra, ‘Shinigami 101’ would have been helpful or maybe ‘Soul Society for Dummies’ or ‘How to Kill a Hollow in Two Strokes or Less.’”

“You’re going to like Academy when you get there,” Renji noted with a fond smile. Given how twitchy Ichigo was, Renji resisted the urge to ruffle the kid's spiky hair. “But, you’ll already have bankai, so maybe you’ll just skip to being a captain or something. Of course, maybe you won't remember any of it.”

“Bankai. Fuck. I’m never going to have bankai if the old man keeps disappearing on me. How’s it going with you?”

Renji just shook his head sadly.

They both stared at the fire miserably, until Yoruichi yelled at them for feeling sorry for themselves and divvied up the roast rabbit.

# 

Renji accepted their offer to sleep at their camp. It felt better to have company in what felt like "open air," even if they were technically in some hidden underground secret base. He lay on his back on the ground and looked up at the star-less ceiling. “This place is weird,” he said finally. “Is it really even night time outside?”

“No,” Yoruichi said from where she was curled up in the pile of her own clothes. She’d turned into a cat shortly after dinner, completely freaking Renji out. He’d had no idea she was a yokai. She now had a man’s voice too, but he was getting used to that. “The day/night cycle Kisuke designed is completely random, though, honestly, I think it’s triggered by the occupants’ mood more than anything else. We’re tired so it’s night.”

“Creepy,” Renji observed. “But kind of handy.”

“That sums up my Kisuke for you,” Yoruichi said, tucking her head into her paws.

“The person who designed this place,” Renji mused. “Your lover.”

She laughed a little at that, “Kind of,” she said, mocking Renji’s accent and the way he’d said it earlier. But, then she added more seriously, “Sometimes. I mostly prefer women, and he mostly prefers--”

“TMI,” Ichigo shouted over her. He was lying on the other side of the fire. His eyes had been closed, but they snapped open now. 

“--His toys,” she told Renji.

“Oh! So much worse!” Ichigo said, rolling away from them. Putting his back to the campfire, he put his hands over his eyes “Oh! My eyes! My brain! Why? Why did you do that? How am I ever going to look at Urahara again without thinking: toys! Toys! Ai, with him that could be anything! So not okay, Yoruichi! Things that are known can not be unknown!”

Urahara? Kisuke Urahara? Renji’d heard about a Captain Urahara. They couldn’t possibly be talking about the same master assassin, kidō expert, super-genius strategist, though, could they? Though someone like that would certainly be capable of building a place like this.

Cripes, if Ichigo had Urahara for a teacher, too…. Damn, how lucky could one kid get?

Ichigo was still moaning, “How am I supposed to sleep now?”

“We could talk about Renji’s lover,” Yoruichi suggested wickedly.

“Oh no, we couldn’t,” Renji warned, turning his head to glare at her.

Ichigo actually turned around for this. A blush still colored his cheeks, but it was draining fast. He propped himself up on his elbow to stare at Renji over the dying embers of their fire. His eyes were almost a liquid-brown, like molten amber, and intense as he asked, “It’s Rukia, isn’t it?”

“No,” Renji said. “She and I… it was never like that for us.”

“But you want it to be, right?” Ichigo pressed.

“Even if I did, it’s too late. She’s in love with someone else,” Renji said with a snarl. 

Now Ichigo’s face was completely pale. “Who?”

"Are you kidding me?” Renji said to Ichigo. “You, you moron. Who else?”

Ichigo flopped back onto his back suddenly. He seemed to be having trouble processing this idea, and he covered his face with his arm. “Oh.”

Renji turned to Yoruichi. He pointed over at Ichigo. “This is news to him? I figured it out when we went to fetch her from the human world.”

“Girl stuff is new to him,” she said. “He’s human. He's really only fifteen.”

“Hey, I can still hear you!” Ichigo said, though he didn’t try to deny it beyond that.

“Well, let me clue you in, kid,” Renji said. “When an unarmed woman puts herself between you and a blooded sword, she kind of likes you. Like, maybe more than her own life.”

“You wouldn’t have killed her,” Ichigo said, lifting his arm to peer at Renji, “No way.”

“Rukia knew better even if you don’t,” Renji said, looking away from the question in Ichigo’s eyes. He rolled back onto his back and focused on the hands that he clasped over his chest. The hands that had willingly cut Rukia, made her bleed. 

“You can’t be serious,” Ichigo was still saying. “She’s your best friend, right? You couldn't strike her down for real, could you? What kind of monster does that make you?

_A demon. At the time, Byakuya's demon._

“Leave it,” Yoruichi warned.

Renji got up because he knew Ichigo wouldn’t. “I’m taking a walk. See you around.”

#

Renji found Zabimaru in their usual spot. The nue cracked open one eye, glittering menacingly in the darkness. But, it shifted to let Renji snuggle up close. It put a giant paw around him, and together they slept until morning.

**Author's Note:**

> There will be more scenes here in the cave. I intend to write what happens when Renji is devoured by Zabimaru.


End file.
